Flutter: Men on Tinder: Dating Conundrum

Continuing on the Tinder theme from last week’s episode, we break down Lane Moore’s Guardian article, “What I’ve learned about men from from countless hours of Tinder”.

Moral to the Story: Think of dating as the cute, yet uncomfortable shoes you have to wear to find love.

Other Fun Topics Discussed:

  • Dudes will never reach out to you quickly…EVER.
  • Different strokes for different folks.
  • Mallory admits to hating dudes right now.

Episode 17: The Science of Sex Appeal: How Cis White People Choose Each Other

This week we watched Discovery Channel’s 2009, “The Science of Sex Appeal” documentary and learned all sorts of sexy science things. Genetics and hormones are a bitch, y’all.

Moral to the Story: Science experiments lack diversity and inclusion.

Other Fun Topics Discussed: 

  • It all starts with the face.
  • Golden Ratio is the equation of perfection
  • We all start out symmetrical in the womb, but factors like not eating enough kale or coughing can cause asymmetry.
  • Curves = health and fertility but for some stupid reason humans judge extremes as most attractive.
  • In nature, males are the fancy ones. Human males use objects like cars and grillz to attract women.
  • Men like physical attractiveness. Ladies prefer status.
  • Kissing is important. Men’s saliva contains testosterone.
  • Copulance makes men go stupid. Ladies secrete this mind numbing hormone. It also smells like “butter gone off.”
  • Science is racist. Check out Sasheer Zamata’s look at Afrofuturism on Full Frontal with Samantha Bee.
  • Mallory equates humans to dolphins and regales us with an amazing Drunk History segment about a scientific study that drugged dolphins with LSD and jerked them off to teach them to speak English.
  • We want to know what sex appeal looks like in the age of Tinder.

 

Podcast Shout Outs:

Check out A Non Mom Happy Hour and Best Forevers Podcast.

Flutter: We Met on Plenty of Fish…Farmer’s Only…OK, Grinder

The fun continues with our friends Jim & Ben. We ask them how they met and their opinions on love and relationships.

Moral to the Story: You make a choice to be in a relationship everyday.

Other Fun Topics Discussed:

Ladies who tried to convert Jim and Ben.

Jim’s first time with a lady almost made him a baby daddy.

Politics Interlude #VOTE

Tamu won’t survive the Handmaid’s Tale

Jim still thinks we are recording a YouTube video.

As you get older, relationships become more about the friendship and sharing good times.

Take lessons from your previous relationships and learn from them.

Advice to the Bad at Love crew: Don’t give up.

More advice to the Bad at Love crew: Don’t take dating too seriously, don’t expect anything and be OK with being single.

Tamu has plenty of LEGITIMATE reasons not to date.

Ben’s Advice to Bad at Love Listeners: Share this podcast with your single male friends so they can fall in love with Mallory & Tamu!

 

 

Episode 8: How Appropriate…There’s a Wedding Outside!

In this week’s episode, Tamu and Mallory discuss the movie Sliding Doors and how their lives (both romantic and personal) might have been different if they choose another life path. Of course during the discussion, a freshly married couple are outside taking  wedding photos which was taken as a fitting sign for the two romantic cynics.

Moral to the Story: The Sliding Doors versions of Mallory and Tamu are living their best lives!

Other Fun Topics Discussed:

  • Tamu is STILL sad that the podcast is not receiving listener emails.
  • #Vote
  • New Business Idea for Amazon: Ordering weed through Alexa
  • What-ifs from the past.
  • LOVINGLY hating on the wedding photo shoot outside.
  • The many missed opportunities of Mallory and Tamu.
  • Mallory had no time for behind the scenes theater work, she wanted to Direct!
  • More tales from Tamu’s past.
  • Amaretto Sours are just wrong.
  • Mallory’s parent’s Sunday Funday.
  • Wine interlude: If you live in/or are visiting the Twin Cities, check out Twin Cities Wine Education.
  • According to Mallory, Teddy Roosevelt is a type of white.
  • Tamu is a terrible human.
  • Sex and the City Question: What is OK to do before someone says, “I Love You?”
  • Advice from Mallory: Get yourself a man who will wipe your ass when you need it.
  • If Tamu had gone forward with any of her alternative life paths, she would have never have her current life and the people in it…and this podcast *gasp*.
  • What are the jay walking laws in England?
  • Gerry is the worst!
  • Friends 2018 would be hipsters in Williamsburg & still with no black friends!
  • British people LOVE Monty Python.
  • #Vote

____

Artwork by Kerriann Art: https://www.instagram.com/artbykerriann/

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Episode 6.2: Mallory, The Bachelorette Cynic

In the exciting second part of this thrilling episode, Mallory continues to watch the contesticles get out of cars and drink, and dunk basketballs, and critique each other’s clothes in the name of “love”.

Moral to the Story: Be honest because telling people in advance you have warrants, are a homophobe, a racist, a virgin, or, a persistent gentleman will surely still get you on a romance reality competition show.

Other Fun Topics Discussed:

  • Mallory had REAL issues with Jake from Minneapolis.
  • What is your patronus? The new pick up line for the zillennials? Perennials? Whatever the new millennials are called.
  • Shout out to Shoulda Swiped Left Podcast for keeping it real about the dating world.

 

Episode 5: Love is a Complicated Everything

In this week’s episode (the final in the get-to-know us series), Tamu & Mallory discuss their relationship red flags. Some examples are: don’t be a bad kisser, don’t send dicktures (dictures? you get it), and don’t tell Tamu you took an epic dump in a local supermarket after eating cheese curds. They also turn the tables on themselves and talk about what their own red flags are.

Moral to the Story: We can’t be your everything, find a hobby.

Other Fun Topics Discussed:

  • Tamu learns what a Coco Roo is.
  • Mallory explains what pull tabs are.
  • The pitbull on the NYC subway.
  • Beauty standards are impossible.
  • Neil Patrick Harris could never be a Trump supporter.
  • Dating a taxidermist ticks off a box on Mallory’s bucket list.
  • If Bad at Love Pod ruled the world, Tamu would be napping.
  • Mallory got killed in the video game, Democracy for giving free lunch to kids…thanks Democracy.
  • The Minnesota locked bathroom door policy.

New Potential Band Names: Fondling Assholes (could be a classical music orchestra, no?)

Episode 2, Part 1: Thieves in the House of Love

In this week’s episode, Mallory & Tamu are joined by their first special guest, Sarah Penn, for a look at what is in the Tarot cards for them in relation to love.

Sarah is an amazingly talented woman and gifted tarot card reader who lovingly donated a Saturday to give the ladies a reading, and also hit them with profound, optimistic, and meaningful insights related to love. For example, “The rightness of being in someone’s space is love.”

Mallory is on deck (get it?!) first and her cups runneth over. Which means she had a lot of cups in her spread (that is a good thing). She shares her wisdom from her recent travels that marriage could now be an option for her because has come to understand that it truly is a partnership.

At the end of the reading, it was clear that the universe knew its audience and provided the most specific reading to the most literal person in the world, Mallory.

Sarah pretty much confirmed the theme of Bad at Love Podcast, “Love is not going to look like what we think it should.”

Moral of the Story: The picket fence is not going to happen. It is possible to be connected in other ways.

Other Fun Topics Discussed:

  • Valentine’s Day
  • Everyone has baggage, but it is your own, not anyone else’s
  • It is important to stay in your power
  • To have/find love, you have to take care of yourself
  • Mallory’s nail biting
  • Being head ass in love

BTW: The episode title reminds Tamu of Raze’s Break 4 Love

Episode 1, Part 2: Love Saboteur

In this exciting continuation of The Love Chronicles of Mallory & Tamu, we are in the fun, kicky 2000s.

Mallory talks about her awesome 2 years in arts high school with a dude known as Sex God. She also examines her college romantic life and life after college which was not smooth sailing. She learned that small town living is not always great for love, as you could end up with a recovered pedophile, or dude with 2 pregnant baby mamas. However, big city life has also given our geek chic girl some challenges; clapping dudes, nerd one-upmanship dudes, and even racist dudes!

Meanwhile, Tamu takes us through her most pivotal relationships to date: the one that brought her to Minneapolis and the one that caused her to close herself off to love & relationships.

Moral of the Story: Being OK with who you are is the most important act of love you can give yourself.

Other Fun Topics Discussed:

  • Tamu had a sex dream about Ty Pennington
  • No one is looking for a fixer upper
  • Misogynistic Dick Asshole

Apologies: There are a lot of “likes” towards the end of this episode because we drank A LOT of wine!

Episode One, Part One: Regrets? I’ve Had a Few.

In their first episode, Mallory and Tamu discuss how they got to the point of being cynical and guarded when it comes to love and relationships.

Jump in your time machines, folks, because Tamu digs into the pages of her 90s Trapper Keeper journal and old poetry to explore her love roots. Apparently, she has always been sleep deprived as her journal entries were commonly written after midnight.

Meanwhile, Mallory talks about growing up geek chic in a small Minnesota town. Unlike Tamu, who learned about love from TV and movies, Mallory got all of her love lessons from YA novels. Small town living might have been the pits and riddled with mean girls, but Mallory has always chosen her own path.

This episode ends with an epic dance fight (yes, DANCE FIGHT) that could only happen at a 7th grade dance in a tiny town.

Moral of the Story: Embrace yourself and love your inner/outer nerd.

Other Fun Topics Discussed:

  • Idris Elba’s engagement
  • Mallory’s deep love of Neil Patrick Harris
  • Tamu invented the Bachelor in the 90s
  • Tamu had secret lives during the dawn of the Internet
  • Both ladies are breaking patterns
  • We did it our way!

Mallory’s Birthday

This week, I turned 31.

This isn’t really all that significant in the giant scheme of things. People get older. That’s nature.

Yet, I was reflecting upon this prior to the party I was throwing myself in the shower. I was thinking about how many people turned 31 and will turn 31 within my current year of turning 31, and that while there will be many more people to eventually turn 31, the millions of people who turned 31 with me can’t be added to, and thus it is, essentially, just a group of people that dwindle down until there is only one of us from that year that finally dies out. Poof. No more people from 1987.

And then I was thinking about how many people I know from all of these other years, friends and family, and all of us are at different points in our lives, and lessons I’ve learned are things they haven’t necessarily learned themselves, but things they’ve learned I have yet to even consider.

And then I thought about what I’ve done this past year. We do that, I think, as humans, ponder over what we have accomplished, what we failed at, what we’re in the process of doing. That’s the bonus of having a larger brain, I guess. We think about more than hibernation for the winter.

These were my highlights of growth at my 31. Things I’ll forget and have to remember again later, probably.

Learning the art of letting go, as well as the art of when petty pays off. Seriously! I have, most of my life, been learning about letting go, and every time I thought I was doing the thing, I wasn’t really doing the thing. But I’m getting there. And what makes letting go fun is realizing what is worth the extra fucks to give. And then allowing myself a once in a blue moon moment to think petty thoughts and let those go, too. Because once I would let go of the petty thought, I’d end up thinking of an interesting solution or an idea for something I want to make or write. Although I do allow myself the occasional mutter of road rage under my breath.

My time is valuable. There is only so much of me to go around, and I only have so much money. The best thing I learned this past year is that I don’t have to feel so guilty about not being able to do everything with my friends and family due to my current funds. And it’s also allowed me to be more assertive in my job environment. I’m pretty assertive already, but I like to be helpful in every way possible. I’ve learned that I can’t always be there and I can’t do everything, and feeling guilty does nothing but make both parties feel bad. Healthy relationships understand situations when you communicate. And understand when you have to say ‘no’.

When I’m having a shitty day, I have my friends/family. And when I don’t have my friends/family, I have myself. And when I feel I don’t even have myself, I have therapy! Between work, life, and Netflix, lives are busy. So when I have a shitty day, I want to tell someone so they can say, “That sucks!” to make you feel valid in your emotions. In the end, everyone else has a life just like me and can’t always respond to me saying, “WHY DOES MY JOB DO THE THINGS IT DOES?!” So it’s up to me to say, “Yeah, it sucks today!” And whenever I don’t have the full capacity to pep talk myself into a better mood, therapy exists! And it is wonderful! Yay options!

Having a dog made me realize what true unconditional love is. When I was potty training Indigo, she woke me up around 2am one night with a whine. We raced to the first floor to the back door, but Indigo couldn’t make it and she peed all the way down the stairs, which are wooden and have no backs. I was exhausted. The summer job I had was fun but used up lots of energy running around parks with children, and the nights were filled with plenty of random wake-up calls for Indigo’s untrained bladder. I put her outside and gave myself a moment. Tired tears were forming. I sighed and grabbed paper towels and antiseptic spray. As I cleaned the staircase (and everything under the staircase), I realized that, despite being tired and irritated with the situation, I wasn’t angry. This was a puppy. She was learning bladder control and sleeping patterns. And she’d pee inside again. But I was okay with that. And that’s when I realized unconditional love was your loved one peeing on a staircase at 2am and you not being angry about it, just cleaning it up because this, too, shall pass.

 Emotions are valid, and using them as tools is better and more efficient than them using me. These past two years have had at me angry and more irritable than ever in my life. My therapist told me there are two ways to deal with anger. You could either have the tidal wave of emotions tumble you through in a mess, or you could be on top of the tidal wave to allow it to pass so you could do something about what you’re angry about. And she was right. Keeping the emotion with me wasn’t allowing me to have a clear head to make a decision I could be happy about. And it would often leave me so exhausted at the end of the day I couldn’t do much but go to bed or lay on the couch to watch Netflix. I found some techniques that allowed me to feel valid in my emotions and then use that energy to create something or do something that made me feel exhausted in a productive way. Hell yes.

I’m the only expert in me, just like everyone else is the only expert in themselves. When I was in my early teens, I was so naive that the world was bliss. I was the most myself ever, and it was amazing. Then I broadened my life and got wiser and it was harder to hold onto who I was consistently. As a codependent, it can be hard to be the person you want to be when you’re also worried about being the definition of yourself other people think you are–and it can be hard to allow someone else be who they are if you have a definition of who you think they are when they most likely aren’t. This realization of me has been a relief of thought responsibility, and a huge release of control. And I’m happier for it.

If I want brownies with sparkler candles, I can make that happen and light them myself. As I turned thirty-one, I thought about what I had and what I was able to do and what I wanted. I wanted close friends, I wanted Sailor Moon, I wanted brownies instead of cake, and I wanted candles that looked like sparklers because I love fireworks. So I created an event and did just that. And when it came to the part of celebrating me, I grabbed my brownies and lit my own candles and everybody started singing. Because it’s okay to say “I AM ME” and for people to say “HELL YEAH YOU ARE” and not feel guilty about it and instead wear unicorn horns and fedora hats and laugh about Sailor Moon getting her name from a cat howling at the night sky.

I’m not even done learning anything, and I guess that’s pretty cool. I’m thirty-one and I’ve learned these things and I know I’ll have to constantly be reminding myself of them to make anything a habit, and everything I think I know will be broadened as I learn new definitions to the old things I already know.

Ain’t growing up fun?

So, these are the things I’ve learned just this year. If anyone has extra advice or life lessons or interesting things that happened to them this year, shout them out!

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!