Episode 28: Be Honest With What You Want to Get What You Desire & Deserve

This week we talk with our friend and author of Reclaiming Choice: Awakening Peace and Power from Within, Gretchen about not compromising on your deal-breakers in relationships. BTW, she is also the lovely woman who let us record season one at her house.

Moral to the Story: You don’t have to jump into dating immediately after a breakup.

Other Fun Topics Discussed:

  • Get to Know Us: What should the legal smoking age be? 18 or 21?
  • Our consensus was 19.
  • Tamu is going to try a hash brownie when she goes to Amsterdam.
  • #WePodcastLikeThis
  • We create our own relationships. Get clear on your deal-breakers.
  • Communicating with the Opposite Sex, by Alison Armstrong.
  • Follow your gut.
  • Don’t compromise on your happiness.
  • It is more sensible to look for what you desire and deserve, rather than waste someone’s time.
  • It is not easy to sit within yourself.
  • Take time to process the end of relationships or else you’ll bring that baggage into your next one.
  • At the end of the day, be honest with what you want.

 

Book Recommendation:

Check out Gretchen’s book, Reclaiming Choice: Awakening Peace and Power from Within:

Is the world going mad? Have you wondered if the violence and suffering will ever end? With gentle words, Gretchen speaks through the fog of pain and confusion to a culture that has lost its center. Conveyed in a personal narrative that is at once familiar and profound, she guides the reader through the layers of separation obscuring access to peace and wholeness. The journey is as healing as it is empowering; awakening the reader to the importance of reclaiming their right of conscious choice. In the process, Gretchen builds a bridge between where we are now and where we can go as individuals, communities and as a human race. It is a refreshing perspective, worthy of consideration, discussion and application.

Flutter: Not Going to Have Sex to that Weird Pac-Man Song

This week we are talkin’ ’bout the songs that maybe shouldn’t be played when the mood strikes thanks to the Huff Post article, 20 Songs You Should Never Pay During Sex

Moral to the Story: Red flags can also be found in playlists.

Other Fun Topics Discussed:

  • The Toy Story toys probably have jizz on them.
  • Mallory has her own version of Baby Shark.
  • Tamu doesn’t know anything by Tom Waits.
  • The Star Spangled Banner is racist.
  • Mallory knows someone who would bang to the song, Tears in Heaven.
  • Shout out to C-Dot from the Meme-ing of it All and her love for Old Town Road
  • Would you include Old Town Road to your playlist?
  • Mallory’s mom wanted her and her brother to be in a Hanson-esque band.
  • Wight 2 played Closerby Nine Inch Nails after sex with Tamu. She was unsure as to whether or not it was a compliment.

 

Episode 27: Too Late, Mariah

Originally, this was supposed to be a Flutter, but there was so much to say, it became its own episode. We are joined by friend and benefactress (we recorded season one at her house), Gretchen to discuss compassion, forgiveness, and moving on from people in our families who have hurt us in the past that are now facing their own mortality.

Moral to the Story: Forgiveness doesn’t require face-to-face interactions, it can be done individually and energetically.

Other Fun Topics Discussed:

  • Jim’s drunk text almost wrecked Tamu’s upcoming London visit.
  • You don’t have to explain your truth to anyone.
  • Live as clean of a life as possible.
  • Mallory bought 2 pairs of shoes!
  • It is the family we create that matters, not always the family we are given.

Flutter: Suck It Tommy! Your Mom’s a Douche

This week we are joined by friend and special guest, Gretchen to discuss a woman who lost her shit at Disney waiting on line for a pretzel with her 3-year-old and took to Facebook to vent her frustrations on single, childless people…and their short shorts.

Moral to the Story: PACK FUCKING SNACKS!

Other Fun Topics Discussed:

  • Mallory equates dogs to toddlers and toddlers to drunk adults.
  • Gretchen went to Niagara Falls in utero and shockingly doesn’t remember it.
  • We would love to hear what A Non Mom Happy Hour thinks.
  • New travel document: Trip disclosures for kids.
  • Mallory’s dad had to go to the Hall of Presidents while his parents enjoyed the Disney parade.
  • Gretchen bitch slaps the mic.

Flutter: Always be Prepared to Cheat

This week we talk about cheating and what is means to each of us, respectively.

Moral to the Story: It is imperative to have open communication in a relationship.

Other Fun Topics Discussed:

  • Is the old adage, “Once a cheater, always a cheater” true?
  • Tamu questions her experience of cheating on White 1 (still getting the damn names confused!)
  • A chair falls in the middle of the episode!

Episode 9.2: Bad@Love’s Summer Beach Read: Hollywood Wives – (aka, Horrible, Horrible People)

Tamu & Mallory wrap up summer with Jackie Collins, two bottles of wine, and, wild ideas.

Moral to the Story According to Mallory: Fuck love, overthrow the government!

Other Fun Topics Discussed:

  • Tamu reads the first story she ever typed on a computer when she was 12 or 13, “The Case of the Lonely Hearts”
  • She hates that she used the “f” word and apologizes for her early teen self profusely.
  • Mallory also wrote a novel when she was younger. A 900-page tome about love and Sailor Moon. She never backed up her data, so it is lost to the ages.
  • Netflix Show to Watch: Murder Maps
  • Jackie Collins shines a light on male rape.
  • Buddy is the worst character.
  • Mallory Christmas lights analogy.
  • Jackie Did it First: Sex and the City borrowed “Who is Smith Jarrod?” billboard from Hollywood Wives.
  • Another Netflix Show to Watch: Mindhunter
  • Adrian was the best male character.
  • Podcast Shout Out: Pablo and Dottie from The Meme-ing of it All for keeping Tamu up-to-date on the latest internet memes.

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Artwork by Kerriann Art: https://www.instagram.com/artbykerriann/

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Is Prom Important? Thoughts by Mallory.

I tried looking up the history of prom this week. There were articles from Bustle, Time, and the all-time lazy favorite, Wikipedia.

I was genuinely curious about why these things have been going on for so long, why there is still pressure on teenagers for them, and what the patriarchy had to do with it (a constant question, honestly).

It was sort of what I expected. Back in the day (the technical term), there were grand balls for ladies where they’d be brought out officially into public, essentially a time that would declare that this woman was now available to charm into marrying. Since balls didn’t stick around forever, and public schools were The Thing, to me it made sense that they continued to use the same sort of idea, but for everyone to play pretend that they were adults because, hey, you dress up nice, maybe have a fancy dinner, have a nice car…

But the proms, from what I’ve read, went from simply wearing your Sunday Best to rather extravagant extremes. While Tamu and I paid small amounts to look great, and may have had those around us create their own dresses/tuxes, the typical high schools that my friends went to? Some people were spending $500 on a dress!

And that’s where I ask the question: Is a prom so important to spend such a fortune?

I can see it from both points. This is a day for most teenagers that is a passage of going into adulthood. It should be enjoyed, celebrated, and, quite frankly, can be quite the ego boost when you’ve bought your clothes and are surrounded by the fancy attire. Although Tamu and I didn’t have Prom King/Queen, that’s probably fun, too. Everyone voting democratically for a monarchy. Plus, tradition. It’s been going on for so many years, it’s a notable event in every single novel/movie/television show that depicts high school students. And it’s a popular enough tradition that it’s basically world-wide.

However, it is also…just one night that, while I personally remember it being fun, it wasn’t the highlight of my youth. It isn’t in the top ten moments of my life. And I cannot imagine spending so much money on something before starting college–nothing like starting out in debt to more debt (although, maybe people would argue that’s just America. *bah-dum-dum tishhhh*). I guess my main point here would be that if I hadn’t gone to prom, I don’t think my life would have changed significantly.

And yet… I guess I’m still in favor of prom when it comes down to it. I have seen some really amazing things come out of this tradition, mostly as it becomes less traditional. For instance, prom is also considered a time to show off yourself with your couple. While this can be too much pressure for those of us without a partner, many LGBTQ teenagers are going with their partners.

In the end, the importance of prom is what you make it, I suppose. Tamu and I had a great time with friends, dancing and laughing. I have heard stories of terrible proms and fantastic proms. I know people who married the person they went to prom with. If you didn’t go, it probably didn’t change your life for the worse. And if you did? You’ve got a memory long faded that will emerge once again at your 10/20/30 year reunion, complete with photos you’d probably well forget anyway.

What about your prom? Let us know if you had a Pretty in Pink situation, or if you forewent the event to watching a film instead.

Duckie vs Blaine

The podcast is out, and so is the main question: Duckie or Blaine?

This question has been asked since the film first came out. The ending had been changed from the script because “she would never choose Duckie”, Duckie was based off of a gay friend, etc. But when it comes down to it, who would you choose?

Tamu said Duckie. I said Blaine (after saying no one). And there were some amazing comments, one of which said to choose the record store owner, so I guess she should have written the movie instead.

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IF you haven’t yet, make your comments on our Instagram post to put in your two cents! And maybe make a comment or two about the prom dress she wore…

Unsolicited Advice From Your Single Friend: Dating

There comes a time in every singleton’s life that you start getting advice from everyone around you that isn’t single. It’s usually from those that are perfectly happy couples that, after you answer their question of what your current dating status, they click their tongues and say, “Don’t worry, it will happen! Have you tried ____?” And you want to rip their throats out because they brought the shit up in the first place and you didn’t ASK for their advice when you answered their nosy question.

This is why I now say, “Happily single!”

As someone who honestly doesn’t talk too much of love in her daily life (yet has a podcast about it), I decided that perhaps it was about time for us singletons to take over the advice, to talk about the problematic things we constantly see in long-term relationships. The things that make us say, “Thank the gods we don’t have to deal with that.”

Be prepared for some wonderful generalizations.

Today, it’s about dating.

I often hear that when people have been together for over a year, things start to get routine. And depending on where you’re at in life, you could be married, with kids, with dog, or just simply by yourselves (that includes cats because, let’s face it, cats can live without us (unless you’re my roommate’s cat, Oliver, the cat that must be wrapped around your neck at all times)).

When you’re single, you’ve got plenty of time to live and life is never boring. I’m here to tell you how to spice things up!

Have a date night at least once every two weeks. And don’t just go to some restaurant every time. There are GroupOn’s for a reason. Go to a cooking class, try wake boarding, dabble in sky diving, volunteer to walk dogs or play with cats at a shelter. Avoid the painting pub classes; you end up with two pieces of similar art work, so now what are you going to do?

You could also take a kink sex class or something. I’m not saying you have to go all out into BDSM or fetishes (although, if you both are hot to trot, two thumbs up!). But it can be fun, you learn new things, and nothing says I love you more than staying open in your communication about the bedroom.

In fact, I hear about the bedroom being a problem frequently in long-term relationships. Better make the kink sex class your top priority.

Have you tried making cider? Have you tried ice cream tastings? Going to a psychic? Therapy?

That last one is for those that have communication issues in general, so it isn’t necessarily for everyone.

The point is, your bland couple’s lifestyle doesn’t have to be bland. And while kids do add a special spice to your life that only those that have them can speak to, just go on a date already — and ask your single friends where the best places to go are. We’re living it up 24-7.

Episode One, Part One: Regrets? I’ve Had a Few.

In their first episode, Mallory and Tamu discuss how they got to the point of being cynical and guarded when it comes to love and relationships.

Jump in your time machines, folks, because Tamu digs into the pages of her 90s Trapper Keeper journal and old poetry to explore her love roots. Apparently, she has always been sleep deprived as her journal entries were commonly written after midnight.

Meanwhile, Mallory talks about growing up geek chic in a small Minnesota town. Unlike Tamu, who learned about love from TV and movies, Mallory got all of her love lessons from YA novels. Small town living might have been the pits and riddled with mean girls, but Mallory has always chosen her own path.

This episode ends with an epic dance fight (yes, DANCE FIGHT) that could only happen at a 7th grade dance in a tiny town.

Moral of the Story: Embrace yourself and love your inner/outer nerd.

Other Fun Topics Discussed:

  • Idris Elba’s engagement
  • Mallory’s deep love of Neil Patrick Harris
  • Tamu invented the Bachelor in the 90s
  • Tamu had secret lives during the dawn of the Internet
  • Both ladies are breaking patterns
  • We did it our way!