Unsolicited Advice From Your Single Friend: Dating

There comes a time in every singleton’s life that you start getting advice from everyone around you that isn’t single. It’s usually from those that are perfectly happy couples that, after you answer their question of what your current dating status, they click their tongues and say, “Don’t worry, it will happen! Have you tried ____?” And you want to rip their throats out because they brought the shit up in the first place and you didn’t ASK for their advice when you answered their nosy question.

This is why I now say, “Happily single!”

As someone who honestly doesn’t talk too much of love in her daily life (yet has a podcast about it), I decided that perhaps it was about time for us singletons to take over the advice, to talk about the problematic things we constantly see in long-term relationships. The things that make us say, “Thank the gods we don’t have to deal with that.”

Be prepared for some wonderful generalizations.

Today, it’s about dating.

I often hear that when people have been together for over a year, things start to get routine. And depending on where you’re at in life, you could be married, with kids, with dog, or just simply by yourselves (that includes cats because, let’s face it, cats can live without us (unless you’re my roommate’s cat, Oliver, the cat that must be wrapped around your neck at all times)).

When you’re single, you’ve got plenty of time to live and life is never boring. I’m here to tell you how to spice things up!

Have a date night at least once every two weeks. And don’t just go to some restaurant every time. There are GroupOn’s for a reason. Go to a cooking class, try wake boarding, dabble in sky diving, volunteer to walk dogs or play with cats at a shelter. Avoid the painting pub classes; you end up with two pieces of similar art work, so now what are you going to do?

You could also take a kink sex class or something. I’m not saying you have to go all out into BDSM or fetishes (although, if you both are hot to trot, two thumbs up!). But it can be fun, you learn new things, and nothing says I love you more than staying open in your communication about the bedroom.

In fact, I hear about the bedroom being a problem frequently in long-term relationships. Better make the kink sex class your top priority.

Have you tried making cider? Have you tried ice cream tastings? Going to a psychic? Therapy?

That last one is for those that have communication issues in general, so it isn’t necessarily for everyone.

The point is, your bland couple’s lifestyle doesn’t have to be bland. And while kids do add a special spice to your life that only those that have them can speak to, just go on a date already — and ask your single friends where the best places to go are. We’re living it up 24-7.

Flutter: We are the Toyota Camry of Podcasts

Mallory and Tamu let the cards decide whether Bad at Love Podcast survives.

Tarot reader extraordinaire Sarah gives a reading about the success or failure of the podcast. The ladies learn that Bad at Love Podcast will be a significant change catalyst in their lives. They also discover they will not be the next “2 Dope Queens”, rather, they will be mid-level successful; like a Toyota Camry.

Moral to the Story: We can’t all be Mercedes Benz. Mid-level sedans offer comfort, efficiency and heated leather seats.

Other Fun Topics Discussed:

  • The Women’s March
  • Breaking patterns and effecting change
  • Sarah got a headache (the good kind)

__

Artwork by Kerriann Art: https://www.instagram.com/artbykerriann/

Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/badatlovepodcast

Follow us on Instagram: www.instagram.com/badatlovepodcast

Visit our website: www.badatlovepodcast.com

Email us: badatlovepodcast@gmail.com

Episode 2, Part 2: You Deserve

In part two of the second episode, it is Tamu’s turn to see what her love future holds. Through the cards, special guest Sarah Penn, tarot reader extraordinaire, takes Tamu on a journey through her past, present, and potential future.

Tamu recognizes that after all of the punishment and blame she has perpetrated upon herself for relationships past, she actually does deserve love, happiness, and joy.

The universe’s message is clear: “The drought will be over soon…so Tamu has some planting to do in her “garden”.

Moral to the Story: We all deserve to be loved, to love, and to live a life fulfilled; whatever form it takes and however long it takes to get there is just fine.

__

Artwork by Kerriann Art: https://www.instagram.com/artbykerriann/

Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/badatlovepodcast

Follow us on Instagram: www.instagram.com/badatlovepodcast

Visit our website: www.badatlovepodcast.com

Email us: badatlovepodcast@gmail.com

Flutter: Wakanda 4 EVA

Tamu, Mallory, and special guest Sarah discuss the cultural phenomenon that is “Black Panther”. The episode was recorded the weekend “Black Panther” hit theaters and the excitement expressed still rings true a billion+ dollars later.

This time they are late and timely with a pop culture reference because the new Avengers movie comes out April 27th!

Moral to the Story: Wakanda forever, duh!

Other Fun Topics Discussed:

  • Michael B. Jordan vs. Chadwick Boseman vs. Mahershala Ali
  • Discussions about race occurring as a result of “Black Panther”

P.S. At the time of the recording, Tamu had not seen the movie. We are proud to say, she has since seen it twice and cried at various points during each viewing.

__

Artwork by Kerriann Art: https://www.instagram.com/artbykerriann/

Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/badatlovepodcast

Follow us on Instagram: www.instagram.com/badatlovepodcast

Visit our website: www.badatlovepodcast.com

Email us: badatlovepodcast@gmail.com

Episode 2, Part 1: Thieves in the House of Love

In this week’s episode, Mallory & Tamu are joined by their first special guest, Sarah Penn, for a look at what is in the Tarot cards for them in relation to love.

Sarah is an amazingly talented woman and gifted tarot card reader who lovingly donated a Saturday to give the ladies a reading, and also hit them with profound, optimistic, and meaningful insights related to love. For example, “The rightness of being in someone’s space is love.”

Mallory is on deck (get it?!) first and her cups runneth over. Which means she had a lot of cups in her spread (that is a good thing). She shares her wisdom from her recent travels that marriage could now be an option for her because has come to understand that it truly is a partnership.

At the end of the reading, it was clear that the universe knew its audience and provided the most specific reading to the most literal person in the world, Mallory.

Sarah pretty much confirmed the theme of Bad at Love Podcast, “Love is not going to look like what we think it should.”

Moral of the Story: The picket fence is not going to happen. It is possible to be connected in other ways.

Other Fun Topics Discussed:

  • Valentine’s Day
  • Everyone has baggage, but it is your own, not anyone else’s
  • It is important to stay in your power
  • To have/find love, you have to take care of yourself
  • Mallory’s nail biting
  • Being head ass in love

BTW: The episode title reminds Tamu of Raze’s Break 4 Love

Flutter: Mallory Watches The Bachelor

In their very first mini episode, Tamu thought it would be a great idea to make Mallory watch the controversial “After the Final Rose” in which Arie breaks up with Minnesota-grown, Becca in split screen.

As with most pop culture phenomena, they are months late…so enjoy this trip back to March.

Moral of the Story: Becca, you did nothing wrong, so stop asking, “what did I do wrong”?

Other Fun Topics Discussed:

  • Chris Harrison is evil.
  • Arie is a giant tool.
  • Potential Minnesota attractions new Bachelorette Becca will be taking her contesticles to during her family visit.

Artwork by Kerriann Art: https://www.instagram.com/artbykerriann/

Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/badatlovepodcast

Follow us on Instagram: www.instagram.com/badatlovepodcast

Visit our website: www.badatlovepodcast.com

Email us: badatlovepodcast@gmail.com

Episode 1, Part 2: Love Saboteur

In this exciting continuation of The Love Chronicles of Mallory & Tamu, we are in the fun, kicky 2000s.

Mallory talks about her awesome 2 years in arts high school with a dude known as Sex God. She also examines her college romantic life and life after college which was not smooth sailing. She learned that small town living is not always great for love, as you could end up with a recovered pedophile, or dude with 2 pregnant baby mamas. However, big city life has also given our geek chic girl some challenges; clapping dudes, nerd one-upmanship dudes, and even racist dudes!

Meanwhile, Tamu takes us through her most pivotal relationships to date: the one that brought her to Minneapolis and the one that caused her to close herself off to love & relationships.

Moral of the Story: Being OK with who you are is the most important act of love you can give yourself.

Other Fun Topics Discussed:

  • Tamu had a sex dream about Ty Pennington
  • No one is looking for a fixer upper
  • Misogynistic Dick Asshole

Apologies: There are a lot of “likes” towards the end of this episode because we drank A LOT of wine!

Episode One, Part One: Regrets? I’ve Had a Few.

In their first episode, Mallory and Tamu discuss how they got to the point of being cynical and guarded when it comes to love and relationships.

Jump in your time machines, folks, because Tamu digs into the pages of her 90s Trapper Keeper journal and old poetry to explore her love roots. Apparently, she has always been sleep deprived as her journal entries were commonly written after midnight.

Meanwhile, Mallory talks about growing up geek chic in a small Minnesota town. Unlike Tamu, who learned about love from TV and movies, Mallory got all of her love lessons from YA novels. Small town living might have been the pits and riddled with mean girls, but Mallory has always chosen her own path.

This episode ends with an epic dance fight (yes, DANCE FIGHT) that could only happen at a 7th grade dance in a tiny town.

Moral of the Story: Embrace yourself and love your inner/outer nerd.

Other Fun Topics Discussed:

  • Idris Elba’s engagement
  • Mallory’s deep love of Neil Patrick Harris
  • Tamu invented the Bachelor in the 90s
  • Tamu had secret lives during the dawn of the Internet
  • Both ladies are breaking patterns
  • We did it our way!

Mallory’s Birthday

This week, I turned 31.

This isn’t really all that significant in the giant scheme of things. People get older. That’s nature.

Yet, I was reflecting upon this prior to the party I was throwing myself in the shower. I was thinking about how many people turned 31 and will turn 31 within my current year of turning 31, and that while there will be many more people to eventually turn 31, the millions of people who turned 31 with me can’t be added to, and thus it is, essentially, just a group of people that dwindle down until there is only one of us from that year that finally dies out. Poof. No more people from 1987.

And then I was thinking about how many people I know from all of these other years, friends and family, and all of us are at different points in our lives, and lessons I’ve learned are things they haven’t necessarily learned themselves, but things they’ve learned I have yet to even consider.

And then I thought about what I’ve done this past year. We do that, I think, as humans, ponder over what we have accomplished, what we failed at, what we’re in the process of doing. That’s the bonus of having a larger brain, I guess. We think about more than hibernation for the winter.

These were my highlights of growth at my 31. Things I’ll forget and have to remember again later, probably.

Learning the art of letting go, as well as the art of when petty pays off. Seriously! I have, most of my life, been learning about letting go, and every time I thought I was doing the thing, I wasn’t really doing the thing. But I’m getting there. And what makes letting go fun is realizing what is worth the extra fucks to give. And then allowing myself a once in a blue moon moment to think petty thoughts and let those go, too. Because once I would let go of the petty thought, I’d end up thinking of an interesting solution or an idea for something I want to make or write. Although I do allow myself the occasional mutter of road rage under my breath.

My time is valuable. There is only so much of me to go around, and I only have so much money. The best thing I learned this past year is that I don’t have to feel so guilty about not being able to do everything with my friends and family due to my current funds. And it’s also allowed me to be more assertive in my job environment. I’m pretty assertive already, but I like to be helpful in every way possible. I’ve learned that I can’t always be there and I can’t do everything, and feeling guilty does nothing but make both parties feel bad. Healthy relationships understand situations when you communicate. And understand when you have to say ‘no’.

When I’m having a shitty day, I have my friends/family. And when I don’t have my friends/family, I have myself. And when I feel I don’t even have myself, I have therapy! Between work, life, and Netflix, lives are busy. So when I have a shitty day, I want to tell someone so they can say, “That sucks!” to make you feel valid in your emotions. In the end, everyone else has a life just like me and can’t always respond to me saying, “WHY DOES MY JOB DO THE THINGS IT DOES?!” So it’s up to me to say, “Yeah, it sucks today!” And whenever I don’t have the full capacity to pep talk myself into a better mood, therapy exists! And it is wonderful! Yay options!

Having a dog made me realize what true unconditional love is. When I was potty training Indigo, she woke me up around 2am one night with a whine. We raced to the first floor to the back door, but Indigo couldn’t make it and she peed all the way down the stairs, which are wooden and have no backs. I was exhausted. The summer job I had was fun but used up lots of energy running around parks with children, and the nights were filled with plenty of random wake-up calls for Indigo’s untrained bladder. I put her outside and gave myself a moment. Tired tears were forming. I sighed and grabbed paper towels and antiseptic spray. As I cleaned the staircase (and everything under the staircase), I realized that, despite being tired and irritated with the situation, I wasn’t angry. This was a puppy. She was learning bladder control and sleeping patterns. And she’d pee inside again. But I was okay with that. And that’s when I realized unconditional love was your loved one peeing on a staircase at 2am and you not being angry about it, just cleaning it up because this, too, shall pass.

 Emotions are valid, and using them as tools is better and more efficient than them using me. These past two years have had at me angry and more irritable than ever in my life. My therapist told me there are two ways to deal with anger. You could either have the tidal wave of emotions tumble you through in a mess, or you could be on top of the tidal wave to allow it to pass so you could do something about what you’re angry about. And she was right. Keeping the emotion with me wasn’t allowing me to have a clear head to make a decision I could be happy about. And it would often leave me so exhausted at the end of the day I couldn’t do much but go to bed or lay on the couch to watch Netflix. I found some techniques that allowed me to feel valid in my emotions and then use that energy to create something or do something that made me feel exhausted in a productive way. Hell yes.

I’m the only expert in me, just like everyone else is the only expert in themselves. When I was in my early teens, I was so naive that the world was bliss. I was the most myself ever, and it was amazing. Then I broadened my life and got wiser and it was harder to hold onto who I was consistently. As a codependent, it can be hard to be the person you want to be when you’re also worried about being the definition of yourself other people think you are–and it can be hard to allow someone else be who they are if you have a definition of who you think they are when they most likely aren’t. This realization of me has been a relief of thought responsibility, and a huge release of control. And I’m happier for it.

If I want brownies with sparkler candles, I can make that happen and light them myself. As I turned thirty-one, I thought about what I had and what I was able to do and what I wanted. I wanted close friends, I wanted Sailor Moon, I wanted brownies instead of cake, and I wanted candles that looked like sparklers because I love fireworks. So I created an event and did just that. And when it came to the part of celebrating me, I grabbed my brownies and lit my own candles and everybody started singing. Because it’s okay to say “I AM ME” and for people to say “HELL YEAH YOU ARE” and not feel guilty about it and instead wear unicorn horns and fedora hats and laugh about Sailor Moon getting her name from a cat howling at the night sky.

I’m not even done learning anything, and I guess that’s pretty cool. I’m thirty-one and I’ve learned these things and I know I’ll have to constantly be reminding myself of them to make anything a habit, and everything I think I know will be broadened as I learn new definitions to the old things I already know.

Ain’t growing up fun?

So, these are the things I’ve learned just this year. If anyone has extra advice or life lessons or interesting things that happened to them this year, shout them out!

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!